Wanna Be's

As the article below indicates, wanna be gang members try to get acceptance into gangs by committing small crimes. This is a wanna be. She is wearing no distinguishing gang regalia. She is thinking about stealing this car and turning it into a gang car (below) to get they approval and entrance into one of the Gangs of San Miguel.

Doing Good Works Gang

DOING GOOD WORKS GANG

The underlying theme to San Miguel is ART. When you come to San Miguel you either make or buy ART. But not everyone has the talent, eye or wallet to make or buy ART. These poor souls were lost in San Miguel until the Doing Good Works Gang was formed. It took a long time to get this gang off the ground. The first step was finding a CAUSE. It had to be FUN, not involve a lot of time, leave members free for bridge games, not involve getting dirty, not cost a lot of money and provide a place to meet other ex pats. That is why the SPA was such an early hit for a CAUSE. But first they had to get rid of the all the ugly dogs with a city cull. Another easy one was the Library. The worst downside was dust on the books.

The next step is RECRUITMENT. They call gang members VOLUNTEERS and set up fairs to recruit them. They even put out lists showing Gang Members how they can help. The easier the CAUSE the more volunteers.

The next Step is RAISING MONEY. Early in the morning they invade the Jardin and set up tables staffed by VOLUNTEERS who coerce other gangs and TOURISTS to support their CAUSE. Here are some VOLUNTEERS

VOLUNTEERS use guilt to extract money from tourists. If you are a tourist reading this, then remember to always say you are going home tomorrow so you will never be there for any of their events.

On this day of this photo, three VOLUNTEERS had set up tables to help the Disabled (Cause #13), the Environment (Cause #23) and the politically unaware Mexicans (Cause #56). It got interesting when the local chanter in the Jardin tried to drive them from the Jardin by attacking their large sign and poster on one of his rounds of the Jardin. It ruffled them but had no effect as they all knew they were doing such good work.

The last step is PUBLICITY. What is the point of doing good works if no one know about it. Never give anyone your email address as it will be flooded with stories of their good works. Whenever anyone tells you about their GOOD WORKS be impressed.

The Classic Gang

THE CLASSIC GANG

The first gangs in San Miguel developed this early, always classic look. It is a variation on pearls and the little black cocktail dress. The only colors are black and white and/or beige. You will see no household items on their back, front, hips or shoulders because they have never taken an art courses. They have no need to be CREATIVE because they are the Patrons of the Arts. They define what is ART in San Miguel. They never carry bags as they buy their ART at the openings and have it delivered to their CENTRO houses or HOUSE WITH VIEWS. Key words they use are Fabulous, Smart, Darling, Let's do ......, New.

TRAINING TO BE IN THE CLASSIC GANG

Novice Gang members need lots of help before they can be admitted to the Gang.

This Novice has been able to pass through the Eye of the Needle Test and this is her first day in the Jardin under the watchful eye of a Senior Gang Member. It is obvious from the picture what she needs to learn. It is almost a before and after picture.

RULES OF THE CLASSIC GANG

The Classic Gang is the meanest gang in the Jardin and has the most rules. Here is the detailed dress code for this gang.

1. Smart beige, black or white hat with only a white or black band.
2. Black sandals
3. Striped top, or solid white and/or black top
4. Peddle pusher pants never touching the sandals.
5. Smart jewelry
6. Simple bag

Break the rules and expect retribution. The woman below came to the Jardin in Bicycling Pants, in a blouse that was too big. She had on runners and no band on her hat. She was sent out of the Jardin tout de suite. She knows now that she will only be welcomed in the Campo.

CLASSIC GANG OR NOT

This person is not in the Classic Gang. She has broken three rules of the Classic Gang can you spot them?

Here is another mistake? Can you spot it?




Pop quiz - is this a Classic Gang member? Yes or no and defend your answer?


This is a bit harder. Is she or isn't she part of the Classic Gang?




Another tough test?

Gang Control of the Police

A simple wave of her hand and the help of an accomplice brought the Jardine Police Officer under the control of the gang.

Single Women - How to Identify a Gay Gang

It's all in the hats. One gang is gay one is straight. If you can't tell then don't ask Liza Minelli or her mother.

Men Gangs

MALE GANGS

There are few men in San Miguel. Most men have been captured and are Love Slaves for female gangs or are gay and beyond control by women.

Free men in San Miguel have formed Four Gang groups based on

1. What you carry – the Briefcase and Backpack Gangs
2. What you wear on your head – the Panana Hat and Baseball Cap Gangs
3. What kind of jacket you wear – the Jean Jacket Gang
4. What you do with your hair or facial hair – the Pony Tail Gang, The Beard Gang, the Moustache Gang, the Goatee Gang


They travel in packs inside the Jardin to protect each other

Some men are members of several gangs at once




There is a surprising trend in Male gangs. The Mini Male Gangs or Psuedo Female Gang.

Chameleon Gang

Chameleon Gang

The Colors of San Miguel are the inspiration for this group. With all the competition between gang members to catch a man, they have taken the competition one step further. They choose garb in the colors of the buildings in San Miguel and blend into the building. If you very look closely at this picture you can see a gang member in a burnt umber/orange color lying in wait for a man. If you can’t see her look for the newspaper she is reading. The man in the picture has no idea of what is about to befall him and the woman walking by will offer no assistance.

To further demonstrate the point see what happens when someone Chameleon Concept. This picture was taken from the Chameleon Gang Manual about What Not To Do. The purple member doesn't understand color blending and will come home to her pied a terre without a Love Slave.

Gang Activities

WHAT DO GANGS DO IN SAN MIGUEL

Here is a list of some of the gang activities in San Miguel

Own Dogs


Shop

Steal

Raise MONEY for GOOD WORKS



Help people form Groups


Dress to match their Cars



Capture Love Slaves

Control the Police

Have their portrait done by an ARTIST

The Bags of San Miguel

Everyone in San Miguel carries a bag – gang member and nogangos. Nogangos is the name gang members have given to anyone not in a gang. If you aren’t wearing a household item or aren’t in a man gang you are a nogangos. Bags are the one thing that bring people together in San Miguel. They are not signs of gangs but signs that we have lots of art and Mexican stuff to buy in San Miguel. If you are sitting in the Jardin ask people if you can look through their bag. In fact most people will let your rummage without even having to ask. When you find art or Mexican stuff, hold it up and say
”Tell me where you got this?” Everyone who has been in San Miguel for more than one day will have a recommendation of where to find something “Fabulous”. But when you hear people’s voices drop and say the words “Fabrica Aurora” then you have found someone who is a “True Patron of the Arts”. These are the holy people of San Miguel

The Where’s Waldo Gang

This gang is beloved by children. It is based on the popular children’s book Where’s Waldo. Each member tries to put on as many different household items as they can find in the house before coming to the Jardin. When parents see them arrive they say to the children “Where’s the dishcloth”. Children will run up to the gang member who will pirouette as many times as the child asks while the child searches for the dishcloth. If they find the dishcloth the gang member will give them a Chiclet.

What's under the Tablecloth

After a nasty rumble in the Jardin, a gang member was derugged and left to howl in the Jardin.

Comment from a Visitor who never joined a gang

I had barely passed 24 hours in San Miguel before I began to feel a sort of discomfort. A sense of being 'ill at ease'........'out of place'. It was certainly not because I am unused to travel, lord knows I've spent many years responding to my wanderlust. What was it about this place that was different (and not in a good way)and that made me wrinkle up my nose and scratch my head every time I approached the Jardin? Unable to get comfortable, I took to wandering in any direction that would lead me away from this dreaded locale. Eventually, after several weeks, I realized what was happening. I was tired of all the expats staring at me! Probably wondering what I was doing in their shangri-la. When my anticipated volunteer project did not pan out, I was truly out of sorts. Granted, I did meet a few folks with whom I enjoyed spending time. Thank god! I left SM loving the town and still puzzled as to why the expat gangs have so taken hold in this town. Is is just because it's cheap and the weather is good? OKAY. I guess I can accept that. But in much the same way that I do not understand 'joiners' in general, I do not get the need for the gangs. Then again, I don't get the whole expat thing anyway, or at least not on any level that makes sense to me. This lovely town is great to visit, at least once. Maybe even more often if one finds ways to connect to the indigenous population and is able to escape 'gang' membership.

Laura Nurse

The False Boy Scout and Other Pseudo Men Gangs

After being denied entry into one male organization after another from early childhood this San Miguel gang has reinvented itself as a False Boy Club. They deliberately dress like men. Other gangs adapt certain items of male attire.

The Gypsy Gang

The Gypsy Gang is clever and every bit as dangerous as real gypsies. Often they hide begin larger members of various gangs and steal your english newspaper. A twirl of their diaphanous skirts and a small dog can disappear. Be aware at all times of this gang.

Black Bottom Gang

What can you say about this gang that the picture doesn't tell you? They might be a Mexican gang and not American as they were speaking Spanish but don't be fooled if the gang speaks Spanish. Many gang members take Spanish lessons so they can order pastels and tapetes.

The Flower Hat Gang

Hats are the easiest way to identify a gang. The first gang in San Miguel was the Classic Gang. They pure would never adorn their hats with anything but a simple black or white band. But it was hard to join this gang. You had to be rich, thin, have taste and own art. The later poorer and fatter arrivals with bad taste and a penchant for taking art classes couldn't get in so they formed their own Hat Gangs.

The Flower Hat gang is mostly British and take their themes from past remembered wallpaper and bedspreads.

The Tablecloth Gang

Taking art courses at the Instituto Allende has encouraged many gang members to individuate. Noviates in the Tablecloth gang start with the single tablecloth worn over the shoulders. They are only allowed into the Jardin in the very early morning. As they meet their tasks set by the High Priestess of Damask and her Napkins as they are called, they can move to higher orders and more wear more tablecloths. This is a picture of a single colour, double tablecloth member.

To see that is under that tablecloth, go here

Captured in the Jardin by the Mixed Hat Gang

This is the Mixed Hat Gang who have captured a widower.

The Picnic Tablecloth Gang

This was a happy day in the Jardin when the leader of the Picnic Tablecloth Gang was expelled by Police Officer from the Jardin. But with so many ways to enter the Jardin we know she will be back. The Picnic Tablecloth gang broke away from the Tablecloth Gang because they only like to eat out door. Ten Ten Pie is a favorite hangout for them and there was quite a disturbance last month when a French family tried to eat lunch on a seated gang member.

The Red Hat Gang

This gang originated in the United States. That gang colors can also be purple. They are not dangerous and mostly walk in the Jardin or sit quietly reading palms. They are not part of the Classic Gang. They drive Red VWs



There are lots of variations on dress style. The only unifying theme is the RED HAT



This Red Hatter has taken a cowboy Theme.

The Never Too Many Colors Gang

This gang believes you can never wear enough colors at the same time. They are one of the most competitive gangs in San Miguel trying to out do each other in clashing colors. But be very careful if you like to wear only white and/or black or the dreaded beige. They will surround you and yell very nasty things at you. Be prepared to be called a 'onecolored' tourist and be splashed with phosphorescent colors.

The Parasol Gang

This is one of the sadder gangs in San Miguel. She is the only member. She walks the Jardin every day enticing people with little turns of the parasol but can't get anyone else to join. So this is a safe gang and not to be feared.

The Rug Gang

This gang broke off from the larger floor and wall covering gang. They only wear small brightly coloured area rugs. They carry small portable vacuums to keep clean and scoop lose change out of tourist purses.

The Multi Skirt Gang

This gang is recognized by the fact they wear more than three skirts of different lengths at the same time. Be careful as they are known to whip long skirts off tourists and wrap them around themselves and taunt the deskirted tourist. They usually travel in packs and note the ballet slippers for fast get aways


My mother needed a round table but wouldn't spend the money to buy a proper wooden table so she bought a cardboard table and covered it with a lovely round tablecloth. Several years ago during a move the tablecloth disappeared. You can imagine my shock when I saw it in the Jardin as part of the attire of the Multi Skirt Gang